Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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