I am puke
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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