Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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