found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize