Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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