why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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