My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize