Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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