Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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