this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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