She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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