I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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