I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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