dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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