i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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