I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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