I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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