I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize