Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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