none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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