dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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