3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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