My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize