Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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