Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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