sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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