It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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