I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize