Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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