The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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