Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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