If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize