Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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