i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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