so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
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i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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