i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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