I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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