my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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