i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize