so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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