You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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