so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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