i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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