barbara walters just said penis...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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