you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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