i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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