I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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