I think my vagina is haunted
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm always down for nudity.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize