We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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