3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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